Imposter Syndrome As An Author

Are you familiar with the enneagram? If not, the enneagram is a “system of personality typing that describes patterns in how people interpret the world and manage their emotions.” (Learn more) There are nine types and I’m a three, also known as “The Achiever.” As a three, I’m driven to be “first, best, and right,” as I like to put it. Threes are known for achieving goals, having high productivity, and being performance-driven. From the outside looking in, we’re polished, successful, and even well-dressed. 

Threes also tend to struggle with imposter syndrome. 

Hi, it’s me, I’m the three that struggles with imposter syndrome. 

In my “real job,” as I call my marketing director role, I’m confident most of the time, even when I have no idea what I’m doing. I know I’m good at my job and that if I don’t know the answer, I can figure it out. It helps that I have a boss who gives feedback and affirms that I’m doing a good job. As a three, words of affirmation go a long way. When I’m teaching Pure Barre, I also feel confident. I know how to lead a class, that I’m good at it, and even if I have a bumpy one, it doesn’t throw me. I just put the mic back on and start the playlist over. 

When it comes to my writing though? I’m the poster child of imposter syndrome. It’s one thing for me to post fanfiction. Fanfiction is relatively low stakes. It’s using someone else’s characters and world and telling a story largely dreamed up from one’s own imagination. It’s a fun way to pass the time as we wait for the next season of a television show or the next installment of a book series. I don’t worry about spelling errors or grammatical hiccups. It’s just for fun and it helps me become a better writer in the long run. 

Self-publishing my own work? Well, friend, that’s a whole other obstacle, one where imposter syndrome has set up residence and makes me think twice about everything. 

Will people read it? 

Is it good enough? 

Will I be flamed in the reviews if there is a misspelling or grammatical error? 

Will people read it and think “I saw that coming?” 

Will they love my main characters? Hate them? 

Will someone leave a one-star review because they went on Instagram and saw I’m a Tennessee fan? (<– actual thought I’ve had). 

The list goes on. 

Imposter syndrome is, at its heart, a fear of not being worthy enough, good enough, smart enough, enough enough. It also keeps one from leaning into big dreams and chasing down big goals. It keeps people playing small, staying where they are safe. 

Imposter syndrome has played a large part in why my debut novel wasn’t published in October like I originally planned. I hemmed and hawed and then when my personal, thankfully not yet public, deadline passed, I had to face facts: that was on me. I spent a lot of time debating on if my book was good enough, if I was good enough, and not actually doing. And so, when October rolled around, I had no cover and no formatted book ready to be uploaded. 

As an enneagram 3, I’m wired to succeed. When I doubt myself, I freeze. More accurately, I procrastinate. I sat in the doubt of wondering whether or not my book is “good enough” and didn’t move forward. I let imposter syndrome win that round and keep me from achieving a goal.  

Thank goodness for therapy. 

I’ve long ago accepted that I’m always going to wrestle with wondering if I’m good enough, worthy enough, enough enough. It’s a literal part of my personality. Success motivates me and the fear of failure causes me to cower. A classic enneagram 3. In a beautiful twist of irony, you can’t have success without risking failure though, can you? 

With that in mind, I’m going to face down my old foe imposter syndrome and put it here, right now, for all the world to see: my debut novel, Off The Record, will be released on January 23, 2024. The cover reveal and a pre-order will be available soon. 

The comparison game is strong. So is good ‘ol imposter syndrome. My Instagram feed is full of indie authors releasing their 100th book this month (exaggeration, but you know…) and celebrating massive successes that feel so far away for yours truly. But there is no reward without a risk, is there? 

Allow me to end this entry with a little affirming of my own as I, personally, look imposter syndrome in the eye and face it down. 

Friend, you ARE enough. That dream in your heart matters. It was put there for a reason. Whether you want to publish a book or become a firefighter or go be a sheep herder in the mountains, you are enough. You are capable. There is no success without risking failure. So try. Don’t let your dream pass you by because you were too busy wondering if you’re good enough. 

You are enough. 

I am enough. 

We are enough.  

Let’s go do great things.