Just Like Jonah

The story of Jonah has come up several times lately. Two different sermons at two different churches. On a podcast. On social media. It’s been brought up enough that it caught my attention. It’s not every day you hear about a man named Jonah being swallowed up by a great fish, is it? You notice when it becomes a repeating occurrence.

If you’re unfamiliar with the story of Jonah, allow me to paraphrase: 

Jonah was a reluctant prophet. God called him to go to the city of Nineveh to preach against their wickedness. Jonah didn’t like that idea – Nineveh was not only wicked, but also one of Israel’s greatest enemies. Instead of listening to God’s call, he chose to flee. He boarded a ship bound for Tarshish and set sail. God saw what he was doing and “threw a great wind into the sea” (Jonah 1:4), causing a storm so strong it threatened to break the ship apart. The sailors were afraid, cried out to their gods, and threw the ship’s cargo into the sea to lighten the load. 

Meanwhile, Jonah had disappeared to the lowest part of the ship and fallen asleep. The captain found him, roused him, and directed him to call upon his god in hopes of help. The sailors decided to cast lots to determine who was to blame and the lots revealed Jonah. They asked who he worshiped and he told them about God. The men were terrified and knew he was fleeing from the Lord’s presence. Jonah asked them to throw him into the sea to calm the storm.

They didn’t do it right away. Instead, they tried in vain to row for safety. When they saw it was a futile effort, they tossed Jonah into the sea. God sent along a great fish (generally portrayed as a whale) to swallow Jonah whole. Jonah hung out in the whale’s belly for three days, repenting and praying for salvation. God commanded the whale to vomit Jonah out and Jonah went on to Nineveh to warn them the city would be demolished in forty days if they didn’t repent. The people believed him, repented, and God spared them.

It hit me like a ton of bricks while going about my business a few nights ago. 

I’m Jonah. 

I’ve had a vision for the brand I want to create and the stories I want to tell for over a year now. God whispered “bold” when I was praying about what direction to go after yet another iteration of coaching offerings didn’t go as planned and began to pain a picture of what to do with that word and my gifts. He has reminded me of that word and of my purpose time and time again since then, and yet… 

I’ve done nothing. 

This has bugged me since moving back to Nashville last month. I have this vision, this idea, this dream. It is so real to me. It’s palpable. I can see it in my mind’s eye. I can see it so vividly that I walked into one of the empty office spaces in my building and saw with crystal clear clarity my office. It was so life-like it was like I was there, working with the team I’d hired and doing big things. Important things. Kingdom things. 

Yet… I do nothing. 

I say I’ll start on Monday. This will be the week I post all the content and shoot all the reels and send out the newsletter and and and… Then Monday comes and then Tuesday, Wednesday… The next thing I know, it’s Sunday night and we’re still in the same place. I might have posted a blog or two. I might have even posted something on social media. But it is almost always not what I planned to post. It is almost never aligned with the vision on my heart. 

I’m in a writing group led by Ainsley Britain. I stumbled across Ainsley when she was on the Coffee with Kailey podcast and her faith – and prophetic dreams – struck a chord with me. I started following her on social media and when she put out a call for an accountability group to write a book, I joined. 

I joined to write the book God has put on my heart. 

We’re twelve days in as I write this and I have a measly 1,265 words. The goal? 3,000 words per week. I am, suffices to say, behind. 

I realized as I tried to write over the weekend that I was allowing myself to be distracted. I know what I want to say. I know the story I’ve been called to share. Yet I edited a full 88,000 word manuscript over the course of the first week, watched the entire first season of One Tree Hill, browsed a lot of Reddit threads, and scrolled a lot of Instagram. I would write a sentence or two, maybe a whole paragraph, and then have an “Oh! Shiny!” moment that took me out of writing. Our group discussion happened to touch on this subject – I wasn’t the only one struggling with this – and Ainsley said something that struck me: 

“We are writing important stuff for the kingdom and the enemy is actively trying to prevent that from happening.” 

I rolled that thought around between my ears for a while and as I sat trying to type (scrolling Reddit) my story while Lucas Scott navigated Peyton and Brooke on my TV, the realization that I’m running out of fear – just like Jonah – crashed into me at full speed.

Fear has gripped me for a long time. 

I look fearless on the outside. I picked up my life in North Carolina and moved to Los Angeles to try my hand at film school. When I felt God call me back to Nashville without finishing the program, I didn’t ask questions but went where He was calling me. Yet when it comes to the “bold” calling He’s put on my life? That call to build this brand, to tell these stories? 

I’m Jonah, on the run and sleeping through a storm I’m responsible for. While my storm is not a literal raging sea, it is an internal one I wade through every day. There are a lot of things I want out of life that I don’t have yet. Those things feel closer in Nashville. This feels closer in Nashville. But only if I can navigate the fear that has gripped me for longer than I care to admit. 

My favorite scene in the live action remake of Cinderella starring Lily James and Richard Madden is when Cinderella walks down the stairs to reveal herself to Prince Charming. As she takes delicate steps towards her destiny, the Fairy Godmother says in a voiceover: 

“This is perhaps the greatest risk that any of us will take. To be seen as we truly are.”

Because that’s what’s required of me. To be seen as I truly am. I’ve been fearful of that. Fearful of stepping into my truest self, into my calling. Without ever meaning to, I fell into a sort of “this is the part I’m supposed to play” trap where hanging out in the corner is a little bit safer than being front and center. Which is an exact contrast to who I am at my core – I have no shame in admitting I love being front and center. But it’s scary in the spotlight where eyes are on you and your words are picked apart, especially in a time when the Keyboard Crusader is alive and well. 

Jonah was afraid too. He ran to a boat in his fear and ended up in a fish’s stomach. My version of running has been avoiding – finding any and every way to not put my bold calling into action. I’ve had a few false starts, but they’ve sparked and petered out like a firework with a wet wick because I let the fear keep me from making the next step.  

I can’t keep running. I can’t continue to allow this low hum of fear to keep me playing small – to keep me browsing Reddit and scrolling Instagram and not stepping into what I was called to do. Jonah went to Nineveh in the end. He did kingdom work. 

Now it’s my turn. 

I’m holding myself accountable with this post. I’m heading to Nineveh.

Just like Jonah.