I’ve never believed in coincidence.
Taylor Swift’s “Invisible String” kept playing in the car the other day. I had Spotify set to shuffle. “Invisible String” came on. I was in the mood for a more upbeat tune, so I clicked “shuffle” again. A few songs later, it came on again. I skipped it again. The third time it happened, I let it play. I figured if it had tried to play three times in ten minutes, it was meant to be heard. Besides, it is one of my favorite Taylor songs.
Have you heard it?
The chorus goes like this:
Time, curious time
Gave me no compasses, gave me no signs
Were there clues I didn’t see?
And isn’t it just so pretty to think
All along there was some invisible string
Tying you to me?
I’ve never believed in coincidence, and I believe in the idea of this song – that there is an “invisible string” that ties it all together. I’ve had that theory proven too many times over for it to not be true.
I’ve been wrestling with some big questions lately.
So many things are going well. I started a new full-time job that I love. I’m teaching barre again. I’m obsessed with my master’s program. And yet I feel like I’m missing something. I feel like there’s a disconnect somewhere that I can’t figure out. It’s been the topic du jour of my journal entries lately. Journaling is a lot like prayer for me, and when I pull my oracle cards afterward, they have been eerily on topic. I pull one card, Share Your Voice, often when I journal on these questions. It’s a card about sharing your unique voice, your story, through whatever medium appeals to you. A bit perfect for me, really, isn’t it?
Except I have no idea what it means.
Last week, I had a series of “coincidences” as I journaled.
It had been a long day. I woke up at 5:15AM, threw on some clothes, and took the 6AM Pure Barre class. I got home around 7:30 with a half hour or so before I needed to log into work. I took Knox out for a quick walk, poured some coffee, and published a blog post before signing in and getting down to business.
I took a brain break early afternoon to drive over to the School of Film and Television campus to pick up some swag. I ran into a few classmates, got a tour of the place I’ll be spending my time (so good to see it a year into the program!) in the coming months. I took Griff (my new puppy!) with me so he could practice walking on a leash. Back at home, I finished up work for the day, took Knox out on a longer walk for some one-on-one time. Yet despite being so busy, I’d been ruminating on those “What am I missing? What should I be doing?” questions in the back of my mind all day.
I felt a strong urge to journal. I picked up my phone with the intention of charging it, but of course ended up on Instagram. My friend and advisor Courtney Barr was live and doing readings. She pulled a few cards for me and those cards talked about how I was experiencing conflict, and that I was blocking abundance because I wasn’t in the flow.
Well if that ain’t on the nose.
I thanked her and headed to my journal. I had a fleeting thought of “wouldn’t it be funny if I pulled the ‘Share Your Voice’ card tonight?” as I opened my journal.
I’m going to do something I’ve never ever done. I’m going to share what I wrote in my journal, lightly edited for privacy. I typically keep my journal entries for just me, but I feel a strong urge to share this one – and to further prove my theory that there is no such thing as coincidence and that God/Spirit/Universe is constantly in communication with us if we’re open to receiving it.
Here’s my entry:
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
- Working from home
- LMU SFTV
- Readings with Courtney
The Universe works in odd and wonderful ways. I was just sitting down to journal and pull a few cards to gain clarity on what I should be doing with my life when I caught a live with Courtney. She pulled some cards and confirmed what I feel – I’m out of alignment. Out of flow.
But what is my alignment and flow?
I come back to that question over and over again.
Courtney mentioned I’m not getting my financial abundance because I’m out of flow and I really feel that too. She confirmed it.
But what is my flow?
I love to write.
Be with people.
I love fitness.
I love coaching.
I love London, L.A., and Nashville.
I love the ocean.
I love the idea of being well-known, of being a woman of influence.
I want to be successful. Financially abundant. Good and kind. I want to be married, have a community, a family. I’ve been missing my early days in Nashville when I was DIY’ing all the things. Such a weird thing to miss, but I keep thinking back to that time.
I want to write a book and have people read it.
I want to create a television show and have people watch it.
I want to be generous with both my time and my money.
I want to work for myself and follow my flow.
I want to be financially secure.
But what is my flow?
I continuously pull “Share Your Voice” as a card, but what does that mean? How do I do it? What is the purpose? How do I know what to do next?
I’m at a loss for the answers. All I know is I’m not sleeping well at night and I’m tired.
Tired of trying things that don’t stick.
Tired of attempting programs that don’t work.
Tired of anxiety.
Tired of worry.
Tired of being tired.
I know God is with me. I know I need to pray more and more specifically. I know Spirit is speaking to me almost constantly.
But what is flow?
How do I find it?
How do I share my voice?
What am I doing with myself and how do I adjust it? How do I change things? How do I dig myself out of this rut?
Where is my “aha” moment?
How do I impact people?
How do I stop coasting and start doing?
How do I find the answers to all of these questions?
I pray for the answers to these questions.
As you can see, I did a lot of questioning during that particular journaling session. A lot of asking for guidance and clarity. A lot of knowing I’m missing something, but not sure what it is or how to find it. A lot of wondering how I take a life that is perfectly okay and stable to the life I live in my daydreams where I’m telling stories, impacting the world, and helping others both with my time and my money.
How do I live even bolder? How do I live an extraordinary life?
I picked up my favorite card deck and began to shuffle. I felt compelled to add the “bridge” shuffle to my usual shuffle routine a few times which I never do, but it ensured my cards were good and shuffled since the last time I used them. I then spread the cards and selected three. I do this by letting my hand sort of “hover” over them until I feel like I’ve chosen the “right” one. I usually flip them over to see what they are as I pull. This time, I didn’t. I left them face down until I chose my last card.
Then I flipped the first card over,
It was ‘Share Your Voice.’
I couldn’t help but laugh.
Spirit had a message for me and they wanted to make damned sure I heard it.
The second card was ‘Akasha’ which means ‘your guidance is divinely guided.’ It was confirmation that I am, in fact, being guided. And the third card was ‘Don’t Dim to Fit In,’ a reminder to shine.
Think about the series of events that transpired in a short order of time here:
- I caught Courtney on a live doing readings and she confirmed my thoughts and feelings.
- I had a fleeting thought of pulling the ‘Share Your Voice’ card while I was preparing to journal.
- I journaled and wrote out the phrase ‘I keep pulling Share Your Voice.’
- I shuffled my cards – with an added layer of shuffling so they were truly mixed up – and made my selections.
- The first card I pulled was – Share Your Voice.
I thought it. I wrote it. I pulled it.
I’m still not clear on how I’m supposed to be sharing my voice, but the message itself is loud and clear. I’m supposed to share my voice.
I suppose it’s a good thing I’m a writer.
*I offer oracle card readings if you’re interested! (Scroll down to the bottom of the page)