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Be Kind

05/04/2015 By Sarah Wyland

4 May

Growing up, my Sunday School teacher, Barbara Marks, started nearly every lesson by reminding us of the Golden Rule:

Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets. – Matthew 7:12

“Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you.”

Be kind. Good-hearted. Respectful.

I grew up with this lesson deeply ingrained in me, not only by my Sunday School teacher, but by my parents and grandparents. I don’t know that it has ever occurred to me not to treat someone with kindness and respect, no matter how I may personally feel about them. In the world we reside in, I sometimes feel I’m the exception, rather than the rule. It’s easier to make a snide comment or post a rude reply on social media than to swallow down dislike and smile.

In the early hours of Friday morning, my stepdad’s nephew took his own life. It was his sixteenth birthday.

John-Ryan was the victim of cruel and vicious bullying.

I can’t write about how well I knew John-Ryan. His rural hometown was a bit of a drive from Charlottesville. I believe the last time I saw him was two Christmas ago, at his grandfather’s funeral. I can’t tell you about his favorite songs or movies or recall countless fond memories of him. In my mind, he will forever be the young elementary-aged boy, seated at his Nanny’s kitchen table, eating dessert.

What I can tell you about John-Ryan is that he was intelligent. I’ve been told he was an artist and loved animals. I know he looked remarkably like his older brother. His older brother who is heartbroken and questioning why, reckoning with regrets and wondering what he could have done differently, had he known the extend of the pain his younger brother was in.

John-Ryan was different. That was his flaw. Being different.

But, aren’t we all different?

We may share commonalities, like a love of reading or a similar fashion sense, but, we are all different. Created that way on purpose. Created to be unique individuals with our own gifts, our own passions, our own purposes.

Take my sister and I. We share DNA and a similar quick wit. But, I’m blonde, with blue eyes and stand a whole 5’2″ tall. She has dark hair, dark eyes, and is nearly 6″ tall. I love wearing dresses, reading books, and listening to indie bands. She loves art and photography, boy bands, and would rather have her teeth extracted without anesthesia than wear a dress.

We are different, unique. We are different from our brother, who looks a lot like my sister, but loves sports, video games, and has a knack with numbers. We are different from each of our many cousins. We are different from each of our friends.

John-Ryan was merely different, just like you and I.

On a day that should have been a milestone birthday celebration, his parents and family mourned him instead. They will continue to mourn him until they too take their last breaths. I’m not a parent yet, but I can’t imagine that you ever get over losing a child.

John-Ryan’s death was preventable. A kind word, a friendly smile in the hallway. Those simple gestures could have made all the difference in the world.

It is my hope, his family’s hope, that some good comes from his death. Bullying is not a new topic. John-Ryan isn’t the first teenager to take his life because of bullying and sadly, he won’t be the last. His death and the bullying that contributed to it reads just like any number of news stories – something we hear about, but don’t think would happen to anyone we know, until it does.

There is hope that his death will serve as a catalyst for change. That his death will cause his classmates and their families to consider their actions and how deep words can cut. That they may move forward with kindness, teach their future children to be kind to one another, no matter how different or unique an individual may be. Instead of pointing fingers and placing blame, there is a hope, an opportunity, for change.

Be kind to people. It’s not always the easy thing to do. Borrowing from a Carrie Underwood song, words aren’t like toy guns that merely click when the trigger is pulled. Words hurt.

Be kind. You don’t have to be everyone’s best friend. You don’t even have to like everyone. But, be kind. A polite nod of the head in passing will suffice. In a world where “you can’t sit with us” is printed on t-shirts and coffee mugs thanks to a pop culture phenomenon, give someone a simple smile. Slide over so they can sit next to you on the bus. Make small talk while waiting in line. You may make a unique, different, new friend.

You may save someone’s life by reminding them there are still good people in the world. You may never know you did it.

Given the circumstances and expenses, John-Ryan’s uncle has created a Go Fund Me page to help with funeral costs and anti-bullying messaging. I’ll leave the link here: John Ryan & Anti-Bullying Go Fund Me.

Please keep John-Ryan’s family, especially his parents and brother, in your prayers.

Please, be kind.

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05/04/2015 |

posted in: Life | tagged as: From Sarah

About Sarah Wyland

Sarah Wyland is an ACE-certified personal trainer and nutrition coach, and a barre instructor. She enjoys strength training, encouraging women, and food. She's a coffee drinker, dog mama, and Tennessee Vol.

« {Recipe} Make Ahead Breakfast Sandwiches
In Proportion to One’s Courage »

Comments

  1. Channon says

    05/04/2015 at 10:53 pm

    I’ve never forgotten David Craig, the tall, popular, jock who sat behind me in band. He took his life when a girl broke up with him. MANY years later, I still wonder if I’d turned and asked him to shoot free throws with me, or just smiled as we packed up our instruments and rushed to our next classes, if…

    My heart aches for John-Ryan and all who cared for him. Hugs and prayers, my friend.

  2. Amanda says

    05/05/2015 at 3:38 pm

    So sorry for you and your family’s loss. Thank you for posting this, and giving the ever-important message of being kind.

  3. AlisonH says

    05/12/2015 at 11:38 am

    Oh honey. I am so terribly sorry. Please hug his brother for me (and let him hug you), next time you get a chance.

Trackbacks

  1. We’re in this together | Of Pups and Pearls says:
    05/04/2015 at 11:10 pm

    […] because I’m tired and Gretchen Greer keeps telling me it’s bedtime; it’s because Sarah said it as well as it can possibly be said and besides, it’s her story, not […]

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Clients ask for meal prep tips all the time. At the end of the day, it's about finding a system that works best for your lifestyle. In general though, there are three ways to meal prep without losing your mind:
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(swipe for more details!)
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1) Pick 3 - Choose 3 meals (breakfast, lunch, dinner) and snacks for the week, prep them ahead of time, and have them in the fridge to grab and go throughout the week. This is a great option for those who don't mind eating the meals a few days in a row.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
2) Batch - Pick your proteins, veggies, and starches, take a few hours to prepare everything for the week, and mix and match meals throughout the week ahead. This is a good option for those who want both ease and variety. 
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
3) Prepare - If you like to cook, save time by prepping your ingredients ahead of time. Chop your veggies, marinate your meats, etc., maybe even pop a meal in the freezer. When you're ready to cook, everything is prepared and ready! This works well for those who enjoy being in the kitchen.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Meal prep doesn't have to be overwhelming. Play around in the kitchen, figure out a method that works for you. maybe even log a few "go to" recipes. There truly is no right or wrong way.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
What's your best meal prep tip?
I'm about to blow your mind.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
 Where your energy goes, your reality follows.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I discovered this idea about a dozen years ago and it changed my life. Call it Law of Attraction or call it hustle, but the idea is the same: where you put your focus, your reality unfolds.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Think about it.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
You decide it's time for a new job. It becomes a dominant thought. You daydream about the role you want while you churn away at your desk of your current job. You browse LinkedIn and Indeed for your dream job at every opportunity. You put time and effort into polishing your resume and cover letter. You. Want. A. New. Job.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
And then you get one. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
You focused on it. You put your energy there. You took action. You made it your reality. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It can also go like this:⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
You’re having a crap day. You woke up late, didn’t have time to dry your hair, spilled coffee all over yourself in the car, hit traffic, was late for work, the deli got your lunch order wrong… You spend your day waiting for the next crap thing to happen.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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You’re focusing on the bad. You’re expecting it. And it keeps on coming. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Where your energy goes, your reality follows. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
You get what you think about. You get it because that's where your energy is focused.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I want you to try something today. Think of a car. Any car. A Mustang. A Jaguar. A Corvette. Just pick one. Give it a color. I’m going with a white Range Rover.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Now, spend a few minutes thinking about that car. Google photos of it. Visualize yourself driving it. Once you’ve done that, notice how many of these cars you see in the next few days.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Let me know how it goes.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Remember - where your focus goes, your reality goes. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I’m about to see a lot of white Range Rovers.
First Monday in Los Angeles. First day of spring s First Monday in Los Angeles. First day of spring semester. First day with a couple of new 1:1 coaching clients. I like this Monday.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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What's good about your Monday?
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sarahwyland

Sarah Wyland | Life Aligned
Know that saying "magic happens when you step outs Know that saying "magic happens when you step outside of your comfort zone"? It's true. Step out of it today. See what happens.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I just opened up a few more 1:1 coaching spots - a holistic approach to health, nutrition, fitness, and mindset. Step out of your comfort zone and DM me for more info. ❤️

📸: @yoimpeyton
[SAVE THIS POST] MEAL PREP TIPS: 3 Ways to Meal Pr [SAVE THIS POST] MEAL PREP TIPS: 3 Ways to Meal Prep Without Losing Your Mind
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Clients ask for meal prep tips all the time. At the end of the day, it's about finding a system that works best for your lifestyle. In general though, there are three ways to meal prep without losing your mind:
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
(swipe for more details!)
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1) Pick 3 - Choose 3 meals (breakfast, lunch, dinner) and snacks for the week, prep them ahead of time, and have them in the fridge to grab and go throughout the week. This is a great option for those who don't mind eating the meals a few days in a row.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
2) Batch - Pick your proteins, veggies, and starches, take a few hours to prepare everything for the week, and mix and match meals throughout the week ahead. This is a good option for those who want both ease and variety. 
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
3) Prepare - If you like to cook, save time by prepping your ingredients ahead of time. Chop your veggies, marinate your meats, etc., maybe even pop a meal in the freezer. When you're ready to cook, everything is prepared and ready! This works well for those who enjoy being in the kitchen.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Meal prep doesn't have to be overwhelming. Play around in the kitchen, figure out a method that works for you. maybe even log a few "go to" recipes. There truly is no right or wrong way.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
What's your best meal prep tip?
I'm about to blow your mind.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
 Where your energy goes, your reality follows.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I discovered this idea about a dozen years ago and it changed my life. Call it Law of Attraction or call it hustle, but the idea is the same: where you put your focus, your reality unfolds.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Think about it.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
You decide it's time for a new job. It becomes a dominant thought. You daydream about the role you want while you churn away at your desk of your current job. You browse LinkedIn and Indeed for your dream job at every opportunity. You put time and effort into polishing your resume and cover letter. You. Want. A. New. Job.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
And then you get one. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
You focused on it. You put your energy there. You took action. You made it your reality. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It can also go like this:⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
You’re having a crap day. You woke up late, didn’t have time to dry your hair, spilled coffee all over yourself in the car, hit traffic, was late for work, the deli got your lunch order wrong… You spend your day waiting for the next crap thing to happen.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
You’re focusing on the bad. You’re expecting it. And it keeps on coming. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Where your energy goes, your reality follows. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
You get what you think about. You get it because that's where your energy is focused.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I want you to try something today. Think of a car. Any car. A Mustang. A Jaguar. A Corvette. Just pick one. Give it a color. I’m going with a white Range Rover.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Now, spend a few minutes thinking about that car. Google photos of it. Visualize yourself driving it. Once you’ve done that, notice how many of these cars you see in the next few days.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Let me know how it goes.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Remember - where your focus goes, your reality goes. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I’m about to see a lot of white Range Rovers.
First Monday in Los Angeles. First day of spring s First Monday in Los Angeles. First day of spring semester. First day with a couple of new 1:1 coaching clients. I like this Monday.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
What's good about your Monday?
I’ve been reflecting on this idea as I move into I’ve been reflecting on this idea as I move into my Los Angeles apartment. I’ve had every sort of feeling over the last 24 hours, from sheer excitement to sheer terror and worry about “how am I going to do this?!” But then I remember that I’ll never know unless I try.

What’s that thing you want to try but you keep talking yourself out of it?
Enjoying this cross-country road trip while also l Enjoying this cross-country road trip while also looking forward to developing a new routine, getting back into the gym, and eating all the vegetables. Knox just wants to get out of the car and play ball some more, maybe crash the beach.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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What are you most excited about in 2021?
Consistency > Perfection.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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80%. That's all I ask of my clients. Complete 80% of the month's workouts, stick to macros 80% of the time, keep the right mindset 80% of the time. Most of the time, clients exceed my expectations, but 80% is doable. 80% is livable.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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We tend to want to go from 0 to 100. We want to go from sedentary to Fittest on Earth. We want to go from fast food every day to gourmet chef in a week. It doesn't work like that. We burn out, get frustrated, and give up.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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The tortoise had it right. Slow and steady wins the raise. Consistency reaches goals.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I'm taking on new 1:1 coaching clients. If you're looking for someone to program your workouts, calculate macros, and help you break through your mental roadblocks when it comes to reaching your goals, send me a DM or click the link in my bio. I'd love to chat.
My word for 2021: Settled.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ My word for 2021: Settled.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I let my 'Word of the Year' come to me through God/spirit/universe, whatever you want to call your higher power. Sometimes its whispered to me. Sometimes it comes to me through a note or even a TV commercial. This year, it came to me through one of @KaileyDickerson's Instagram posts. I'm borrowing her word for 2020, but this is the right word for me in 2021.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Settled.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Settled in Los Angeles, in a new apartment, a new community. Settled in my own skin, in who I am, in what I want. Settled in a world that likes to throw chaos at us hard and fast. I liken it to a hurricane – the eye is calm while winds and rain swirl and thrash around it. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I shared more about my Word of the Year + my 2020 goals (not resolutions - see post from earlier this week) as well as my Word of the Year for 2021 (it was 'Yes') on the blog. Link in bio.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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What's your word for 2021?
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